How to lead

I was so completely wrong about what leadership is.

I've been thinking a lot about leadership lately. Growing up, I had a picture in my head about what leadership was. What being "in charge" looked like. 

Being a leader meant being cold and distant. Detaching yourself from the emotions and needs of people around you. Fixing "problems" which was usually code for eliminating things and people you didn't like from your circle of influence. Ignoring different opinions. Doing everything you could to make sure you came out on top. No matter the cost. 

If this is what leadership is then I had very little interest in being a leader

Still don't. 

I want to see you. I want to hear your story.
— Krystle Cobran

I want to be a person. A human who cares about what people think because I care about who they are. Someone who listens because she understands loneliness and believes that part of the purpose of pain is to open our eyes to the love we can choose give. A being who sees people and offers them the kindness she's willing to learn to give to herself. 

What I thought was leadership was really fear trying to hide itself in insecurity

This was a revelation to me. A revelation that set me free to begin discovering what leadership really is. 

Leadership is you and me walking beside each other, choosing to listen and truly understand each other as we journey together

You are a leader. 

I am a leader. 

We learn to lead when we choose to show up to life as ourselves. 

That is what makes you a leader. 

Right where you are. Today. 

With love,


Kind is strong is kind is strong is...

There’s a closeness to these brave notes we share. A tenderness I take very seriously.

*Deep breath.* 

Something's been bubbling in my heart: 


Kind is strong is kind is strong. 


I don’t know when it happened.

I can’t pinpoint the precise moment I ingested the lie that kind and strong are opposites. If I want to be kind I have to give up being strong, and if I want to be strong I need to commit to being less kind. 




When did it become true that kindness = weakness?


Truthfully, I don’t know if I ever really believed this. But I sure did feel pressure to conform to it.

I felt it in the stories that surround us, in the assumptions that fill the air as we go about our lives.


“So and so is so strong.”  

“So and so is so kind.” 

Almost never, “So and so is strong and kind.”


Can you relate?


If so, I’d like to invite you to write a new story with me. 

A story that shares the truth of what real kindness and strength look like. 

Here are few examples of kindness

Choosing healthy boundaries

Clear communication

Taking time to rest 

Flexibility, perseverance, and resilience 


Here are few examples of strength

Choosing healthy boundaries

Clear communication

Taking time to rest 

Flexibility, perseverance, and resilience 

Kind is strong is kind is strong


It was never true,. Kindness and strength aren’t opposites. 


Kindness and strength go hand-in-hand


Kind is strong is kind is strong is kind is strong is....  


Share an example of how kindness and strength go together in your life below. I’m listening.