Often courage looks like choosing to be present in the moment we’re actually in, giving ourselves permission to feel what we’re actually feeling, and embracing the reality that we’re human beings.
We’re beautiful in all of our not-knowing… Read More
There is a shift that happens as we begin to have more open conversations rooted in painful life realities. What was a call, becomes a delicate tug on the thread, that grows into a constant pull, and quickly escalates into a full unraveling of the way we thought things were. And as we begin to see, the pieces of what is real separate from what is not and it all begins to fall.
In the middle of the fall, be gentle. We don’t have to tip-toe. We aren’t compelled to pretend that it all remains as it was, but we do need to be intentional. Read More
There’s something about feeling like we’ve got to say something witty, quick, and sharp (like, now) that lowers our ability to give consideration to the impact of our words.
Here’s a simple tool that I’ve found to be really helpful when I feel pressured to speak without giving myself an opportunity to catch my breath in a difficult conversation. It’s a 3 word question: And then what? Read More
There are moments in life when finding courage feels impossible. When digging deep and locating the words bubbling in our heart is the path we need to walk but we feel stuck. So many of us have felt stuck for so long in the race conversation. Where are we supposed to begin? What are we supposed to say? How can I make my story and the pain I live real? How can I choose to respond and give respect and dignity when all I see is defensiveness and dismissiveness wherever I look? Read More
I've been thinking about loneliness.
About how when we rise to face our days, somewhere inside, we convince ourselves that the challenges we face, the decisions before us, the relationships that trouble us, are difficulties that must be limited to just us. Read More
But the more we connect; the more we sit together and share moments is the clearly it becomes:
It's just not true that we’re alone in it all.
I wish I could tell you that I'm an endless vat of courage. That when new or tough things come up, my first reaction is always to stand tall and run towards the challenge. Read More
I guess I could say that, but it wouldn't be true.
Not even a little.
There is a tiredness that seeps through bones and into the soul. The kind we carry in each breath, feel with every step. Read More
When we get this tired, it's difficult to see the light. To remember that what we feel in this moment will not be what we feel in every moment to come…Exhaustion isn't a failure, it's an invitation.
I remember sitting there with people I loved, feeling like I just didn't belong. Something in me didn't resonate with the heart of our conversation.
Pointing fingers, making accusations, gossiping, judging...there was nothing uplifting about it.
But I was afraid to speak up, because if I did, I was convinced I'd risk losing the thing I wanted most.
I wanted to belong. Read More
Difficult conversations don’t have to happen once, perfectly or never (ever) again. There are an infinite number of ways a conversation about race can go. Read More
Conversations about race don’t have to all follow one specific template. So here’s a list of 11 simple ways to break the rules in a conversation about race. Use them when you’re ready to reduce frustration and take a step closer to clarity. Read More
It is simply not true that struggle and pain are signs of weakness.
The truth is that both struggle and pain signal a fire within, calling us towards:
Asking difficult questions.
Stumbling through uncertainty to begin finding our way.
Not knowing what to do next isn’t failure. Read More
Brave doesn’t look anything like we’d expect. There’s no soaring soundtrack playing in the background, no round of applause ready to roll on queue. Often there’s no one looking at all. There aren’t any expert panels dissecting multiple facets of our decision, or grand announcements to tell the world about our achievement of extraordinary feats. Read More
It's so easy to forget that real conversation is about taking turns.
Not getting up on a soapbox and pontificating.
Not tapping my toes, waiting for the other person to stop talking so I can have my say. Read More
Learning how to build mutually nourishing relationships with humans from cultural backgrounds we’re unfamiliar with can be overwhelming. We begin to experience new realities, more deeply understand perspectives we missed, and over time, our entire world begins to shift.
In the middle of this shift we can get stuck; believing that our failure is rooted in not knowing what we now know.
Or we can just keep breathing. Read More
The pressure to perform is subtle. It inches up on us, slowly convincing us that whatever we’re doing isn’t quite enough. I should be more like Person X who’s doing Y. They say I should be more like Z. By this age… Read More
Permission. Permission to begin. Permission to fail. Permission to discover. Permission to learn. Permission to change. Permission to say no. Permission to say yes. Permission to… Read More
There I was. Standing in the breezy hallway, sunlight bouncing, calling us towards each other.
There THEY were. So accomplished, so capable.
What could I have to say?
Do I even have anything to contribute?
What if I'm not witty enough?
What if, I was (*insert dun, dun, dunnnnnnn* i.e. scary moment in a movie music)… Read More
In a world where everyone but us seems to hold the magic key that unlocks the door to perfection, it can be difficult to listen to our own voice. To value the perspective that only we can grow as we walk through the journey of living inside… Read More
You haven’t thought through every single possible outcome. Start anyway.
You’re afraid something’ll go horribly wrong. Start anyway.
You just know someone will attribute incorrect intentions to you. Start anyway.
You’re certain that person will judge you. Start anyway.
You failed miserably the last time you tried. Start anyway… Read More
Three words - I don’t know - have the power to shift the entire dynamic of a conversation. Something about these words takes us away from pouring our energy into… Read More